Daddy's Little Girl, Without a Daddy

It's like when a parent says they don't have a favorite child, I think the same holds true when children are talking about parents. Although I love my mom dearly, with no shame, I would say I am, and have always been daddy's little girl.

Ever since I can remember, I have admired my dad. Every other kid I knew wanted to be a teacher, a ballerina, an astronaut or any other occupation that came from the colorful pages of storybook, but I wanted to be an engineer. My dad was an engineer! (I can now safely say that I have no future as an engineer. I found out the hard way, in high school I realized I couldn't do physics to save my life.)

Last summer, life seemed to be going so well. We were a happy family, closer than we have been for a long time. Everything looked like they were falling into place. My sister had determined what she wanted as her career path, I had made a major decision to work short term in BC, and we were all loving life.

Yet in a blink of an eye, that all changed. One moment I was talking to my dad, and the next he was on the ground. Within 48 hours, we would be taken from us.

My dad was a soft spoken man, always there with a smile and a helping hand. He was a young man, just in his fifties, a loving father and husband. How could this have happen? Why us?

I wanted to be mad at God, I really did, and yet I couldn't. I was sad beyond anything, but there was a transcending force that showed me peace. I didn't understand it and I didn't want to. The man that I knew would love me no matter what was gone.

The days following his death were a whirlwind. The sympathetic words of others sounded hollow and empty, and their regards sounded like insensitive remarks. But through this all, the overwhelming sense of peace was still with me and drove me to ask the question "Why?"

I knew I was a Christian, but up until this point I have never felt so helpless, as if I was reduced to nothing. While being in this low place in my life, I felt this intense yearn to leave the hustle and the bustle of the city. I just wanted to sit in the stillness of the majestic mountains and might God.

It was there that God showed me how much he loved me and even in the chaos, he never changes. It was as if in the midst of blizzard, someone came out with a giant blanket and gave me a big hug. He explained to me that although life on earth was short, that if I lived it for him, it is worth it.

The pain I experienced with losing my dad showed me just a glimpse of how God would have felt when he sent his own son, Jesus, to come to the earth to die for us and redeem us from our sins. That is love. It is a love that I cannot understand, but know that I cannot live without.

That day, while I was sitting between the beautiful mountains and looking down at the sapphire blue water, God held me in his arms and said, 

"Bonnie, your earthly dad is now celebrating in heaven with me right now, 

but you are still a daddy's girl.  You are my girl."